turn_a_blindeye | audio post :: help me leave behind some reasons to be missed

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audio post :: help me leave behind some reasons to be missed

[There are a couple awkward starts of dead air and static. Finally, there's a long pause and then Kakashi begins.]

Assuming this isn't going to be a week long fake-out where we're "sent home" only to come back here at the end of it all, I guess ...a little sentimentality can be ...indulged in. We might as well treat it like it's the real thing, and make plans like we'll be here a while longer.

So, if it's goodbye, then it's goodbye, Adstringendum. It's...been interesting.

And if it's not goodbye...well, it's still been interesting.

[Private to Konoha Ninja/Unhackable]

I'll treat this as goodbye. This was no mission, so there will be no debriefing--just a few parting words.

...Take care of and protect each other. Do not let your personal differences divide you. Remember why you fight, what you live for...and die for.

Leave yourselves nothing to regret here. Treat it as if you will remember, for better or worse. If we do go home, this might be the last time some of us speak to each other. We've seen some of our future, but not all of it. Say your goodbyes now; there is no telling what lies ahead in our war.

[There's a pause, as if Kakashi is going to change filters and then decides he has more to say.]

I regret it couldn't have ended on a higher note. ...Maybe, hopefully, I will be able to make it up to you, sometime. If I have done something to disappoint you, or at all failed in my capacity as sensei or comrade...[There's a poignant pause.] I am sorry.

...I have one last request for you all. ...Any information you have regarding anything back home, especially from the time Naruto returns to the village and onward, would be appreciated. Assuming we go back and remember, I'd like to believe I could do something to...change things for the better.

[Private to Team Seven/Unhackable]
Don't wander off too far. I'll see you three tomorrow, hm? Or, rather, later today...

[Private to Team Gai/Unhackable]
Behave for your sensei.

[Private to Kenpachi/Unhackable]
Ask her out before we go, Kenchan.

[Private to Anko/Unhackable]
Don't get into too much trouble. I expect you to take me up on that rain-check I promised once the war is all over.

[Private to Jiraiya/Unhackable]
...Thank you. [[He means for writing the books, and all that entails for him, and for training Naruto, but take it as you will. Thank you is a vague sentiment ^^]]

[Private to Maes/Unhackable]
[[Probably the hardest goodbye. Because Hughes has no spot on the memorial stone. There's nothing of Maes back home and no promise of maybe seeing him again. And yet... Maes has been something like a respected sensei/senpai and devoted comrade to him, an ally and dear friend...useful, helpful, supportive. Trusted. Maes should be the one that gets revived from the dead for a second chance...not Kakashi.]]

In our world, there's rarely a chance to say goodbye, so I don't really know how. But...thank you. For everything. ...I, uh, hope this isn't how it ends, but if it is, I'd like the chance to say thank you properly to a good-friend, for once. If you'd still like that drink.

Oh, and please give my regards to the Colonel and his Lieutenant.

[Private to Carmen/Unhackable]
...I'd say take care of yourself, but ...I trust you not to get caught.

[Private to Itachi/Unhackable]
I haven't spoken with you much, kohai. But if you truly believe in saving your brother from Madara, I'd like to speak to you sometime soon.

[Private to Alphonse/Unhackable]
Alphonse, any information you may have on Itachi and Sasuke could prove useful if we remember things upon our return... If you have the time.

Take care of yourself, and your brother. I know Edward doesn't remember me for that now, but...he was a good son.

[Private to Neji & Anko/Unhackable]
Mm...I guess it's time to get rid of those scrolls, assuming the blizzard hasn't made getting to them impossible.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Yeah.

Indeed, it has been interesting, Kakashi-san.

Soon.

Your sense of humor is still the same, Sempai. I agree. We must meet.

...Like most everyone here, I've thought of composing something of this caliber, however... Well, perhaps I still can. It seems so surreal after being here, experiencing a considerably different lifestyle and growing used to it- only to realize one day that it won't last forever. Toying between relief and guilt, it might be the best thing overall.

...In any case, sensei, I wanted to apologize for being difficult for you, and let you know that for the entire duration of our stay here, I've been thankful for your constant presence in the ever-changing nature of this world. It may be selfish, but I've respected and admired you since arriving, and I'm grateful for everything- even while I may not have been particularly charitable to all the advice you've tried to give me over the course of this past year and five months.

Regardless, I appreciate everything you've done for me and... my teammates although my near-sightedness wouldn't allow me to see your intentions in the beginning. I only wish I had been able to fully repair my team in this time and perhaps restore some of the previous regard that we had held for each other before.

Also, sensei, I've heard that your death in our world isn't permanent. Though the logic fails me, I'll continue to hope that is the case, so, good luck back home as well. I will do as you've requested of me.

Edited 2010-01-21 19:39 (UTC)

Heh, you've been a great sensei, just always late. I'll be over later with Sakura-chan an' Sasuke.

...

Y'want information, yeah?

I have my journals. They have the whole story in them... but they're in cipher.

Other than the original story as Itachi told it, I have very little on what Sasuke went through after he left the team. He never liked to talk about that part of it much... but I know what he went through at the hands of Orochimaru.

He's... fragile, despite how he acts, and if he ever hears the truth about his brother, it will cause him to snap, more than a little.

Sasuke, his older self, has lived so long in the state of mind of revenge that he will look for someone to pay. I don't know who will.

Ah. You're welcome.

[Tenten hesitates on screen before deciding to speak.]

From what I understand, I'm from the farthest ahead except for Lee.

Um. Some of what I have to say, to tell, you won't like. Can I tell you in person, Kakashi?

[A little smile breaks through the stress.]

And I always behave for Sensei. I'm the one that makes some of the headaches go away.

Ask her out? We ain't already... Huh. Think I know wha' ya mean. Yeah, makes sense.

Wish I had advice ta give back. Glad I've met ya.

...Ha, you would make a good hokage, yeah.

You really think... tch, you really think war is ever gonna be over, back home? Optimist.

As for the scroll, well, if this does turn out to be a false alarm, keeping it is probably a good idea. I'll keep it on me, though. So it comes with me, if it... if this does turn out to be real.

We're at war too. It's just a more subtle one, one that people like me can fight in. So... I understand.

Thank you too, Kakashi. This world has pulled a lot of things, and you've been there, the best friend I could ask for. I'd like that drink.

I will.

I shall not. But the sentiment is appreciated.

If memory remains, though I doubt it will, I have one request of you. Place something at the stone for me. I would give you the atlas I found here, but the chance of items traveling are even lower than memories.

Fare well, should this in truth be happening. I have much enjoyed our conversations.

A fake-out? [His eyes narrow.] They really would do that, wouldn't they? The more I think about it, the more likely that actually seems.

Some of us never change....

Name the time and place, and I'll be there.

...Thank you, Naruto. Keep them company until I arrive, okay?

Anything information you have. I have no idea what could make a difference.

If there's, uh...anything I can do for you, let me know.

[He changes it over to video after a moment]

Understandable. And of course you may, Tenten. My door is always open. ...Except when it's not. When are you available?

[He chuckles a little]

That must be a headache for you, though, having to go round up Neji and Lee again after shooing them off.

I'd say 'and wear your swim trunks,' but given this weather, I doubt that'd be wise.

I'm glad to have met you, too. [It's tempting to say to give Yachiru some candy for him when they go back, but...if they don't go back, he doesn't want to remind Kenpachi that she's missing, so... D=]

Just don't get lost on th'road of life, Kakashi-sensei.

Before the battle with Pein or from after?

Heh. Ya would. Under tha hakama.

Looks like it's time ta get back ta battle fer real, heh. Heard I get ta have more fun soon after I get back. Lookin' forward ta tha'.

Take care of yourself, for one. And....keep an eye on Naruto for me while you can. Just make sure to take him down a peg or two if he gets too full of himself.

...I'd serve better in the field.

Mm. You give me too much credit today, Anko. Sensei and others have the optimism. I just follow their lead.

Alright. Fair enough. I'm sure my memories will be safe on you. Put 'me' somewhere safe, hm?

[Tenten considers for a moment, nibbling on her lower lip.]

Thank you. I think... I have a lot of people to talk to, too. Um. Would the last day work?

[Now the smile is bigger.]

Especially since Lee's so fast. Once he's been shooed it's hard to find him.

We all would. Being hokage doesn't preclude that though. I mean... look at Yondaime-sama.

Yeah, follow their lead, right off into... well, even if the war goes on, you're welcome, any time. I'll use that raincheck before I kick the bucket, I can tell you that much.

Of course, like I'd do anything less.

Some of us...

Tonight. The crows will lead you.

If you find it's something you need to do, Neji, it's not too late. To be honest, I'm not sure I care for either choice. ...But what will be, will be.

No...you don't need to apologize to me. How you reacted was to be expected when the advice was unsolicited. You're a good person, Neji, and a good shinobi. Don't think my criticism of you has ever meant I do not see your talents or capacity for being something great. I just wanted you to be better than your predecessors--not the stats in your file, or the strength of your skills--but in the areas that...really count. Compassion. Loyalty. You have shown...far more promise than many before you.

...I believe in you.

And in your team. Your team is not down for the count yet; for you three, this is not the end of your time together. Regardless of what happens, just continue to care for them, as they care for you. Stick by them.

It has been an honor to be a part of your household and to be allowed to get to know you and your team. Thank you, Neji. I'm grateful it was you who was here this whole time. Hopefully, we can serve together again sometime.

...Mm...So I've...heard. I don't know how that works either, but...thank you. I will try to do something this time with my second chance.

I'll try not to. It's rather long and winding, though.

Mm... Before, preferably. Might as well start this from the earliest point possible. As of the time I left, you hadn't finished your training with Jiraiya and Sakura was still training with Tsunade. So whatever you can give me after that is good.

It's their M.O. so far.

We will.

[A pause, then-]

I doubt that we will remember if going back works anything like having been here before, but if you think that it is important, I will tell you what I remember.

[She'd been stressed since saying that she would talk to him. Just a little. Tenten had tried to hide it, and was pretty sure she had, but she wasn't certain.

Three times she'd gotten up from the couch to go knock, and both times before she'd sat back down. Now, though, she was at his door. His open door. It would be really obvious if she walked away.

Tenten knocked on Kakashi's door, smiling just a bit to look more confident.]

[Kakashi had said his goodbyes, which was more than he usually got the chance to do. He wasn't sure why it didn't feel like enough closure this time.

Then again, years on the battlefield said it was usually more humane to make a death quick than to drag it out. Three days wasn't a long time, but it was an eternity when you were left wondering if you were just waiting to die.

He kicked aside a box of items. The plan had been to move out from the house, not the world, he thought, looking up as he sensed a presence.]

Oh, Tenten.

[He gestured to the end of his bed.]

Come in. Have a seat.

[Tenten nodded and sat down. Now that she was here, it was easier. There wasn't turning back. It was like a mission that way, actually.]

It's not a bad time, then?

[She glanced at the box he'd kicked. Right, he'd been leaving the house.]

I don't know what all you've heard about so far. But, um. Probably most of it is up through the attack on the village?

We may not even be going home, but we'll use what time we know we have.

Always, sensei.

[He took a seat a little ways from her on the bed.]

There's not much more time. [A shrug] Can't very well afford a bad time now.

[He nods.] Bits and pieces here and there. Asuma's dead. Jiraiya's dead. I have a new team. Naruto defeated Pain. I'm not dead, the village is recovering. In brief, that's about it.

Good.

I've wondered if we'll each go back to "parallel universes," but thinking of the possibilities doesn't change anything. At least information gathering is a productive step. So anything you have, Lee, would be welcome. Thank you.

[He hesitates for a moment.]

How much do you know?

If you're not comfortable giving me that, that's fine.

I still have the story from Itachi that you gave me. [A sigh] I may regret asking, but what did Sasuke go through with Orochimaru?

...I know. But...
Other than telling him the truth, Alphonse, I'm not sure what else to do. Now I wonder if keeping it from him may only turn him from his friends more, and not fix anything for him either.

Someone will, yes. But it's my duty to do everything in my power to make sure that someone isn't my team and isn't Konoha, so any information might hold the key.

[She looked over at him, considering the distance. It would make any last-second attempt more complicated... But she did have one idea. Last second, though, it needed to be.]

I guess not, no.

[Tenten offered him a small smile, and then nodded, back to business.]

Right. So there's two things that really should be covered.

First. Jiraiya-sama died to Pain, Asuma-san to Hidan. Both of them Akatsuki.
After Sasuke went to Orochimaru, he went after Itachi. He took a team that he put together. I don't have many details on that, it's mostly rumors, but one of them is here - Suigetsu.

Sasuke either joined or only worked with the Akatsuki for going after one of the tailed beasts. I'm not sure which. Either way, his allegiance was clear, and when Tsunade-sama wound up in a coma, Danzou became Hokage and declared Sasuke a missing-nin.

Substantiated rumors had him headed to the Kage Summit, and Naruto took you and Tenzou-san to go try to plead for mercy from the Kages for Sasuke.

[Tenten stood up, frowning, and began pacing.]

We rookies started talking. Sasuke was the Leaf's issue, and he was going to attack the summit. He might well start another ninja war.

[She looked at him, knowing full well that no one would like this next part.]

Sasuke was our responsibility. So we voted. Neji, Lee, Ino, Shikamaru, Chouji, Hinata, Kiba, Shino, Sakura, Sai, and me. The result was that we were going to take out Sasuke.

[Tenten came to a stop, facing Kakashi.]

I stood behind that decision completely, and I still do. Sakura, Lee, Kiba, and Sai were to set off to meet with your group, first to tell Naruto, and then to take the first attack. Sakura had the right to it. And that group made sense to send - If Sakura spoke to Naruto, Lee would be there to support her. If she couldn't, Kiba likely would be able to speak up, he's talkative enough. And if that didn't work, if Kiba was held back by politeness, well. Sai doesn't pay attention to all manners.

They were about to set off when I landed here.

[Her eyes flickered to glance at the time. Doing all right there, good.]

And that's the first thing.

I am, but it might be hard to decode with any speed.

...

Sexual abuse. Performance-enhancing drugs. Snakes. Something about being afraid of white snakes, especially... I never asked more than that. I never asked about those times... unless he had a particularly bad nightmare. He'd just shake his head and not want to be touched for a while. I don't blame him.

... are you going to tell him, Mr. Kakashi...?

[He lists off from memory] Naruto returns to the village. Team Seven gets reformed. Asuma is killed by Akatsuki. Jiraiya dies. Naruto defeats Pain. Sasuke kills Itachi. I die but don't remain dead and the village is recovers from the attack... I believe that covers most of it?

[Lee nods.]

I remember from a little bit past that. While the village was still being repaired, Naruto-kun left again in search of Sasuke. We heard that Sasuke was declared a missing nin, and Shikamaru-san decided that it was the responsibility of our generation to hunt him down.

[He pauses, here. It's difficult, but he has to treat this as reporting to a superior.]

Sakura-san wanted to be the one to tell Naruto-kun. Sai-san, Kiba-san, and I went with her to Snow country to find Naruto-kun. She failed at her attempts to convince him to stop perusing Sasuke, and decided to track him down herself. That is the last thing I remember.

[He noded along, listening, committing it to memory as he would a mission, since there will be no notes or scroll to accompany him on this mission. Thank goodness he didn't have Gai's sieve-like memory. Some of this he had put together from the comings and goings of past citizens of Adstringendum. Suigetsu's previous stay, for example, though the nature of that alliance had little confirmation.

The words got more difficult to hear, though Kakashi was not one to shy away from or turn off when things get tough. If anything, he became more attentive to what she was saying, watching as she paced.

They planned to assassinate Sasuke. ...It was chilling to hear, but as an ANBU, as a ninja of Konoha, he had kill-on-sight orders before. Former comrades, even. For Itachi, his ANBU kohai. He was more afraid for them, that they wouldn't succeed. Sasuke was dangerous, paranoid, like a cornered animal. He was highly trained. He would not be as calm or sparing as his brother, either, not even for Sakura. Kakashi had no idea what the mindset of Sasuke was by then, but he did not trust his own previous understanding of the Sasuke he knew, genin Sasuke.

If taking out Sasuke was anyone's responsibility, it was Kakashi's.]

And the second?

[She hadn't expected that to be his entire response. Sasuke has been his student. Then again, Kakashi had never been one to flip out about things. That was her Sensei.

Of course, that threw her timing off just a bit. She wanted to take his hand seconds before midnight, so he wouldn't really even have time to dismiss her as a kid. That was the only reaction she expected from this. A pat on her head and then sent on her way.

Tenten was going to have to talk more. Stretch it out. And she wasn't all that good at beating around the bush or sidetracking.]

The second.

You said no regrets. Leaving none. You haven't failed me here at all. You should know that. You've been... more supportive than I thought you could be. I know part of it was stepping into the gap, and thank you for that.

[Tenten sat back down on the bed, closer to him than originally. Sheer force of will alone was keeping her from looking nervously at Kakashi. He had to know what she was getting at already. But she'd been doing some very hard thinking these past couple of days, and had only come to one answer.]

It won't be the same at all, back home. We'll be busy keeping off a war, and I won't really notice you.

[Time check - just a few seconds left. Good. Now Tenten looked at him, before reaching over and taking his hand. This she wouldn't have dared do otherwise.]

But here, I have. You've been here. Every time I needed someone to talk to. And even when I only wanted it. Um. Thank you.

[Okay. Now they could go home. And she would have left with no regrets. Even if she'd still been a bit vague... Her actions had probably been clear enough. And if not, she'd never know, right?]

[He could kind of sense that she had been anticipating something and was thrown off when he failed to provide that reaction. Kakashi didn't have time to waste on unnecessary emotional responses. If he was going back, he intended to do it with as much information as possible just in case what he learned might carry over. It was better to not waste time now and regret it later.

He had wasted a lot of time over the years.

As her words carried on, Kakashi wondered if he should stop her, cut her off before she could say something they could both have to deal with tomorrow. But that was unfair. He had said no regrets. So he would not deny her that.

Kakashi stared down at his hand, and hers, not quite sure what to do. She reminded him a little of Rin at that moment, and her confession weighed heavily in his mind. What do you say to that? What did he want to say to it? Kakashi wasn't even sure he knew. He was never sure what to do with comfort or affection directed at himself.

Midnight. He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and tried to find words so he didn't leave her gesture unacknowledged.]

You're, uh...welcome. Tenten.

...Thank you.

[The seconds dragged on. He didn't remove his hand from hers quite yet. It was ...comforting, he guessed, to have someone there at the end. Comforting, reassuring, a silly indulgence and luxury to know he wasn't alone in what could easily be the final hours of this lifetime. He hadn't planned any great way to go out, but he had expected it to be alone, waiting, with Shiori beside him. Maybe the end would be quick--a pop or blackout, and then he would be back in Konoha. Maybe painful, like being ripped into particles and rearranged back into form into the proper space-time sequence. But he was intending to face it without burdening anyone else with whatever emotions the end inspired.

...In the end, he felt surprisingly calm.

Kakashi wasn't sure exactly what the time was. It was late. Past midnight now. And he was still looking at their hands, their laps, his bedspread, and Shiori wagging her tail and staring up at him from his bedroom floor.

From a sort of numbness that he couldn't decide if it was relief or disappointment at not having left (...maybe he could have made a difference back home after all), he snapped back to the moment, extracting his hand from hers casually and scooping up his puppy.]

Mm. Looks like they've decided to keep us after all.

[He managed a smile under the mask, and pat her on the head casually before giving one of her hair-buns a playful squeeze.]

Why don't we go see how the rest of the world is taking it, hm?

[The handsqueeze was unexpected, and it gave her just a little hope, even if they were going in just a few seconds. Tenten maybe wasn't just a kid in his eyes.

She gave him a full smile as they sat there, holding hands, waiting for the world to end.

And waiting.

And waiting some more.

And it was then that she realized it had indeed been a trick. Or the device talked about had worked. Either way, she'd just admitted feelings to Kakashi, more or less, and she was still here. Tenten resisted the very strong urge to facepalm. The smile faded.

He pulled his hand away and Tenten instantly missed it, wanting to hold it again. She actually half-started to reach for it before stopping herself. Kakashi's hand had been warm and just a little exciting, but Tenten started working on controlling the very strong urge.]

I guess we amused them enough. Or the scientists' device worked.

[She leaned into the now-familiar hairbun squeeze, wondering at how casual he was. Tenten didn't know if it was a good sign or a bad one. The pat... made it seem a little on the too-innocent-for-her-taste side.]

Okay.

[Getting up, Tenten gave him one of her calmer smiles, even though she felt far from calm. Flirting wasn't her thing. She reached over to give Shiori a headpat.]

If you wanted to do that more, you could. The hairbuns. I kinda like it.

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audio post :: help me leave behind some reasons to be missed

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[Offline, forward dated to Saturday evening]

[Offline] So much catchup to do.

[Offline] You might like that icon slightly too much. Just a hunch.

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[Offline] ...wut. >.>

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[Private//Unhackable] I thought I'd replied to this. But it looks like I closed the tab instead. D<

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[Offline] ...you weren't kidding tldr!

[Offline] I'm sorry! It got long! And it did again too. whoops.

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